Monday, September 3, 2012

wildflowers, dear


I'm nearing my 28th birthday, which means I'm another step closer to 30, which means I'm no longer in a place where my youth is a reliable scapegoat. Realistically, I've never had the luxury of using that as an excuse, save for my quarter-life crisis (this is real) at the ripe old age of 25, when I decided that since I never really had a chance to be irresponsible and selfish and wonderfully reckless, I would just turn my world upside down and rip some hearts to shreds. It didn't work out like that; it didn't last long, and it didn't end well. I quickly abandoned my feigned devil-may-care attitude and headed for solid ground...and officially grew the hell up.

 You see, I used to have this strange fear of contentment that kept me on my toes and ready to bolt. In my head, contentment always felt like settling, and I was the kind who was quick to screw it up before I got too comfortable. Contentment, it turned out, made me feel vulnerable, and when I feel vulnerable, I attack. It's silly, really, because after a life full of chaos, you'd think I'd want nothing more than tranquility. And now that I'm older and of infinite wisdom (just go with it), I'm starting to realize that comfort, safety, happiness, stability  - these aren't in the same realm as settling, and they're not always a precursor of heartache. They're states of being that everyone deserves to experience: to obtain, lose, regain, retain. Even me, in all of my infinite wisdom and weirdness. It's a part of growing up, and I'm starting to feel comfortable with that notion.

33 comments:

  1. Beauiful and wise words! I completely agree with you on this!

    http://lartoffashion.blogspot.com

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  2. love this! Do I hear Wedding Bells?

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  3. Beautifully written and I get it completely. Happy almost birthday. :)

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  4. Parabéns pelo blog, sucesso visite o meu blog atual www.tucafashion.blogspot.com em 07 de setembro estarei mudando para uma casinha maior chamada Srta. Sam aguardo sua visita Grande Beijo...

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  5. beutiful post!!! ;)
    kiss
    http://blogcashmeremafia.blogspot.com

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  6. Great post Keiko! It made me feel a bit better about "settling" :)

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  7. That sounds exactly like me! I'm turning 28 at the end of next month. Also, at 25 I decided since I grew up too quickly that I was gonna do what I wanted and act like I wasn't grown up. Now, I'm content, settled and engaged! However, I still get to act like a kid sometimes because I now have a 7yr old (soon-to-be step-daughter)to take care of every other weekend! I'm glad I'm not alone in how I've felt in my earlier years or now!

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  8. I'm 30 and I still feel the urge to bolt. For some it never really goes away.

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  9. Wise words! Even though I know (in theory) that what you say is true, I still have a hard time believing that being content doesn't mean I have to settle down or that I'm getting old. The thought of getting married (even though I love my boyfriend more than anything els in this world) still makes my guts churn.

    x
    Sabrina
    apixiesviewonfashion.com

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  10. What an insightful, deep, and amazing bit of positive introspective analysis! I's really impressive! At more than twice your age I find myself wondering why I haven't managed half of your emotional accomplishments. I hope you have a very happy birthday.

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  11. love love love! i'm always like "this is too good, let me screw it up" haha normalness is a bit scary to me. that's the great thing about getting older though..i don't feel like i want to run.

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  12. Beautifully written! I am currently experiencing said quarter life crisis, thank you for acknowledging that it actually exist s ;)

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  13. Welcome (almost) to 28. I turned 28 in June this year and I'm already dreading my 30th. Arggh xx

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  14. Love these wise words. :) 28 WILL be an amazing time for you. I know it!

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  15. Dianna: no wedding bells - yikes! I'm still terrified of "forever" even if I am *starting* to get used to being content. Haha!

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  16. Reverse Clothing: I get that, because I still have my moments. They're just not as frequent as they used to be - which was horribly frequent.

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  17. Beautifully written! I love that you used Queen Anne's Lace it is by far my favorite wildflower <3

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  18. Wise words! Fun how life can through you a curve ball sometimes. I recently turned 30 this May and was FREAKING OUT! I mean, come on, it's a BIG deal turning 30. It means (gasp)that we're actually a real grown up now? And then comes...40? Aaaahhh!

    Well, I have to say, I'm starting to feel more and more comfortable with 30. I learned some life lessons, screwed up a bit, etc. in my 20's, so I've decided that my 30's are going to be the best ever!

    It's definitely a hard thing a first, trust me, but I'm just choosing to look at it as the next great chapter in my life and I know you will too! Good luck! :)

    xoxo, Stephanie :)
    http://glamslamblog.com

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  19. wow, now that's a gorgeous photo! and it goes with such a lovely, post too!

    xxx
    www.ladyalamode.com

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  20. This beautiful post came at exactly the right moment in my life, as I hit the climax of my "quarter-life crisis" this weekend and have only just realized that I do, in fact, need to grow up. Thank you for sharing something so personal.

    http://whiskeynglitter.blogspot.com/

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  21. I relate to this post all to well...doing a lot of reflection of this sort approaching my 26th birthday wednesday. Thanks for this and happy birthday!

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  22. Beautiful!

    http://shannonhearts.blogspot.com/

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  23. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you a beautiful week ahead. Hugs!

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  24. Lovely words. I couldn't agree more.

    Always,

    Mostly Lisa

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  25. Not only are you stylish, I like that you have a knack for writing as well. This short piece was really insightful, making this blog all the more likable!

    -Sarah
    The Weekend Diary
    http://www.theweekenddiary.com

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  26. I miss these types of posts from you. I've checked in on your life now and then since the LJ days pre-Postlapsaria and pre-Bobby. I bought a Postlapsaria piece my sister has since stolen because, well, it's pretty awesome. It's been really cool to see your success! Good luck to you!

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  27. Well said. I'm only 22 but I feel like I'm 28 - I never did the all the young reckless things that girls my age are expected to do. I think I should get on that soon before I'm 35 and trying to relive what I didn't have.

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  28. It is nice in a way to hear about anothers "quarter life" crisis mine came last year just a few months after turning 28. I am 29 now and still don't feel that comfortable with turning 30...beautifully written:)

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  29. you always write such wonderfully insightful posts and the way you write is very enjoyable and i find myself able to relate to you so much more than any other fashion blogger because you seem "real". i love the fact that you actually show a personality and a peek inside your head in your posts in addition to the photos. In all honesty i usually check your blog more for your writing than for the photos. that might be because I've been reading your thoughts since the days of livejournal so i feel like i know you even though we have never met. :)anyway, i definitely had a quarter life crisis and my solution to that was to get pregnant...seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that I am 30 i'm getting used to things and finally starting to accept that my 20's are over and i'm starting a new chapter in life.

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